All I ever wanted .... .

All I ever wanted in my life was 'Love'. Pure, Unconditional, Un-selfish, No conditions to it, Shudh, Satwik, Shashwat, Without any attached strings to it, Given, Free flowing, Love, but I could never feel it from anywhere, Ever. Everywhere I looked everything was attached with something, nothing free, this so that can be, why? I never understood fully.
But I have understood another thing, how things work around, or at least how it seems to me. Wht ever u need to get, u get, that is if u wont be given this u will go away, so u Get it, Got it.
What u dont Get, u Take, by Force or by Paying(kind/cash). Paying mostly Works, but sometimes Force is the only option left, also force gives Quick and Immediate Results.
But the problem with 'Love' you know is, it cannot be Taken, it has to be Given.
Force can never be exerted on something which cannot be taken, or which has to be received, the giver has to be ready & able to give, and give willingly. Force can get u virtually anything, if you can force them right, or you force the right. But this sometimes is not true, when the Fear is not there, it renders force useless, it can be said aptly about such a situation as a perfect example where 'An Unstoppable force meets an immovable Object'.
Force works, because of the underlying intrinsic fear, of which the people are yet unaware.
People somehow are not yet aware of the power 'fear' can wield over them, but it is very relishing when you see someone under the influence of fear, they become completely different from the person they are, they do exactly they are told, without questioning and completely surrender to every order given.
Money on the other hand, can influence some Affection from anyone/everyone, since it is the one thing that  u need to have, to do virtually anything in this world. This affection some also call love, has nothing to do with love in reality or it even comes any close, coz the giver will immediately or ultimately stop giving, if the affection is lost or diminished. And it can happen in a lot of ways, and possibilities are will happen, since the affection bought by money can easily be won by someone else with more money to buy more affection, or if the previous buyer is not able to afford the flow/upkeep of the affection.
Force was never my prefered way to act, so Money is the only way left for me it seems now.
When i hear 'U reap, what u sow', I am bewildered, since I never sowed any hatred for me, I always tried to keep everyone around, and wanted them to love me, but they never did. They all were busy trying to reap and sow for themselves, they never understood, or it even can be said for some people, never had any idea of what they are doing.

Maybe I'm just thinking all this, or maybe, I don't deserve 'being Loved' / 'Love' altogether.
Whatever be the case, but all i ever wanted was .... .

Hey YOU....listen

it wasnt me who destroyed it, it was u, u not only destroyed it, but trampled it, ruined it, maligned it, crushed it.

u destroyed it in a way it could not ever be recovered or recreated or reformed in any way possible.

u killed it, u did not just shoot it, u were not happy with tht much, so u took a knife and stabbed it, u were still not happy, so u kicked it, threw it around and played with it, u then hacked it to pieces and even this wasnt enough for u, so u finally put some fuel on it to consume itself in its own fire and burned it to ashes.

well Phoenix's are born out of ashes, they rise from their own ash to be reborn as new.
it would take birth again, by rising from the ashes, and then would collect the ashes and carry it to u, to deposit and settle.